My eyes jolted open. Butterflies danced in my stomach. My palms were sweaty. My heart was beating fast. I was getting married today. I had dreamed of this day for years, 22 years to be exact. I had played it over in my head countless times. But I could never be sure if it would actually become a reality. I had spoken to the Lord a thousand times concerning this day, each time being reminded that I must surrender this day and the desire for this day to His ever-capable hands.
But here we were after almost four years of patient pursuit and prayerful romance, and God was giving me one of the greatest desires of my heart. How did I deserve this?
The truth is, I absolutely do not deserve this precious gift. I do not deserve a man who, after twleve months of marriage, pregnancy, childbirth and a new baby--still pursues me daily. I do not deserve a man who loves Jesus more than he loves me and can often be found before the light of dawn sitting quietly with his Lord. I do not deserve the stability he's brought to my life, the daily reminder that he's not going anywhere without me. I do not deserve the "I love you's" in the middle of the night or the "You are beautiful's" in the morning. I do not deserve the tender reminders of the deceitfulness of my sin and the reality of God's great forgiveness.
No, I do not deserve these things. But I graciously accept them, giving thanks to my Father, for "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." James 1:17. I accept them because I am reminded that this is not about me--my happiness, my dreams, or my goals in life. It's not because we "did everything right" (which we certainly did not) and are now being rewarded. It's not because we're "those" kind of people who things always just go good for.
No, this marriage is about making much of Jesus. Its about being a small, imperfect reflection of Jesus' fierce love for His bride. Its about being sanctified by having every dark place in your life examined and exposed. It's about being loved like Jesus loves and learning to do the same. Its about forgiving like we've been forgiven and learning to accept it from others. It's about Jesus making Himself known through an earthly union that is simply a shadow of what is to come--when we will be united with our True Bridegroom for all time. Its a covenant relationship that sings of a greater covenant relationship--one without blemish or stain--one in which we will be redeemed, restored, and reunited with our first Love.
That is why this year has been so wonderful. It has left us both breathless at the foot of the cross, realizing that our marriage is imferfect indeed. But one glorious day, this shadow will become clear. Our Bridegroom will come riding on a white horse and we will be His forever.
Oh Glorious Day.
June 8, 2013
June 7, 2014
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