Bananas

When I first arrived in China last February, I often found myself searching for anything that would bring an ounce of familiarity to my new life...where nothing was familiar.  I searched for familiar smells, foods, and even just little moments in the day that would make me feel just a little closer to home.  One of the things that brought that comfort was bananas.

It sounds sort of funny...to be comforted by bananas.  But its true.  The little fruit stand near my dormitory sold them.  And when I first arrived, I was afraid to eat anything that didn't have a nice protective peeling on the outside (although I quickly adapted and soon ventured to try apples, too!).  So those first few weeks it was just me and the bananas.  I ate one each morning for breakfast with my instant coffee.  I'd slowly peel back the yellow outside and take a big whiff of that familiar smell, closing my eyes and thinking of home. I would eat it ever so slowly, savoring every ounce of flavor. It didn't take much to make me happy :)

Fast forward six months.  The day before I left to come home, sweet Caitlin (my fellow intern) threw a going away party for me in the preschool class.  Caitlin was staying for another month while I returned home to start school.  We asked the kids to draw a picture for me to take home.  So they all gathered around and began to work on their masterpiece.  I'll never forget glancing at that picture when they were half-way finished.  What did I see?  Bananas.  Caitlin had taught the kids how to draw bananas one day during preschool and Jaelynn loved to draw them everywhere. So naturally, she drew bananas for me.  I looked at these perfectly formed bananas...and my eyes began to well up with tears.  Suddenly, Jaelynn became very upset as the other kids began scribbling all over her perfect bananas.  We scooped her up as she continued to scream, "But Abby's going to America! I want to give her bananas!  Abby's going to America! I want to give her bananas!" All I could do was hold her and assure her that I loved her bananas...they were perfect, even if the other kids colored on top of them.  The next day as I told her good-bye, she held my face in her little hands and said, "I give you bananas."

My heart ripped in half as I once again faced the realization that I was leaving...she was staying behind.  But those bananas came with me.  Those bananas are framed and hanging on my wall amidst Jessica's drawing of myself, Fahlin's scribble, and Issac's black circles.  And even if no one else notices those bananas, I know they're there.  And I know that sweet Jesus gave me bananas.  The same simple thing He used to comfort my homesick heart back in February, He is now using to comfort my homesick heart now.  And every time I see a banana, I am reminded of His faithfulness.  And I am reminded to pray for Jaelynn--my precious banana-giving princess

Mr. Sparrow

Have you ever spent time watching a sparrow?  I'll be honest, I don't know if I have.  But I wonder, what does a sparrow really have to worry about?  He flies from tree to tree singing his beautiful melody of thanksgiving.  He works diligently to have a a nest and food, but mostly he just sings.  This little bird is so tiny, yet so full of life.  His anthems fill the mornings with joy.  I love hearing his songs in the early hours of the day.  It reminds me that its gonna be okay.  Everything is gonna be okay.  I think we can learn a lot from Mr. Sparrow.

I went to bed last night with a lot of worries swirling around my heart...some of them small and petty, some of them big and weighty.  I dreamt about them, and awoke still thinking about them. So I now find myself snuggled up with my cup of coffee and my journal...pouring my heart out to Jesus.  And this morning, Jesus wants me to learn from Mr. Sparrow.

You know, sometimes the worries of this life can just suffocate you.  It's so true.  Sickness is everywhere and seems to be touching almost everyone I love in some way or another.  The stress of school is weighing heavy and I have to keep reminding myself that all A's won't follow me to eternity.  Some of my dearest friends are going through  difficult places, and I find myself wanting to carry their burdens myself instead of letting Him carry them.  There are some big decisions about my future that I have to make soon, and I just plain cannot tell what direction He's leading. You know...its called life...and its overwhelming sometimes.

I hear his gentle whisper, "Princess, take one second and let Me filter your thoughts."  And He says,

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.  But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.  Fear not, my Beloved, you are of more value than many sparrows."

Matthew 10:29-31

He knows Mr. Sparrow's birthday and how many feathers surround his little body.  He even knows Mr. Sparrow's distinct chirp and the pattern of every melody he sings.  And me, I am created in the image of my King.  I am the crown of creation.  If He knows the depths of Mr. Sparrow's heart...what about me?  

Oh, the depths of His love! The richness and beauty.  May our lives be a song of  continual surrender.  A showcase of His splendor that ever magnifies His mighty power.  Friends, may we take delight in the overwhelming moments of life...and may our hearts learn a powerful lesson from Mr. Sparrow today. 

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Planning not to plan

I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off. -Isaiah 56:5

It's a rainy morning and I'm curled up in a cozy chair overlooking a breathtaking bay.  I am soaking up precious moments with my Prince.  His Presence is ever near--I can almost feel His breath on my neck.  What a blessing to be in the courts of the Lord.  What  sweet moments when He beckons me out of bed to spend these glorious moments alone with Him.  It's in those moments when my heart is at peace and I feel that beautiful tension of  utter helplessness before Him mixed with valiant strength and victory pulsing directly from His throne.  I breathe in and breathe out...all around me--Jesus. 

I am at the beach this weekend with some of my closest girlfriends.  Yesterday, we drove jam-packed in a car for over 9 hours to spend two days here planning, brainstorming, and organizing for the SOUP.  I mentioned the SOUP a few months ago in my China blog (check it out here).  I can't tell you how much our King is doing in and through this budding organization.  What began as a small dream in the heart of a simple college girl is turning into a God-sized dream that's affecting over two hundred precious, precious children in Uganda.  This morning we spent time looking at pictures and videos of the SOUP site and praying over the precious faces of the children living there.  We are dreaming big, knowing that we serve a big, big God who loves and cherishes these children way more than we ever could. 

I am humbled, really.  I would have never imagined that I'd be sitting around a table strategizing ways to best provide health care, education, food, and most importantly, knowledge of Jesus Christ for a specific group of children on the other side of the world.  I am honored to pray specifically for these little ones and for their community as a whole.  Our God has huge things up His sleeve, I'll tell you that.  Our prayer is that we will be ever willing vessels of the most High King.  In all our planning and brainstorming, it's easy to get carried away by what we can do for them.  How can we convince people to give money? How can we rally volunteers?  How can we talk someone into moving there permanently?  How can we accurately portray the utter poverty and the realities of these kids' lives without being manipulative and exploitative?  And you know what? We.cannot.  End of story.

Dear SOUP staffers,

I am the vine; you are the branches.  Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. John 15:5

Love, your King who never ceases fighting

We rest in our incapabilities. It's comforting.  We are useless vessels unless empowered by the Almighty. 

I myself will be the Shepherd of my sheep, and I myself will make them lie down, declares the Lord God.  I will seek the lost and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy.  I will feed them in justice.  Ezekiel 34:15

Ever changing

Sweet friends,

I'm sure no one is reading this blog anymore...being that its been ahem, almost a month since I've posted anything.  I have plenty of things swirling in my heart to say but finding time to sit down and sort through my thoughts has proven to be quite the challenge.  So I find myself here on a Thursday evening at almost midnight...and I feel the need to write.  So here it goes.

I can hardly believe I've been home for over a month now.  In some ways it seems like an eternity, in others it feel like I stepped off the plane yesterday.  It's been a good month, though.  Filled with ups and downs for sure...but good.  When I first got to China, someone told me, "Once you spend a significant amount of time in another country, you'll never at home anywhere again.  Wherever you are, you'll always be missing something about the other place."  I am beginning to feel the weight of that statement full force. Since school began, my days have been jam packed with classes, work, homework, meeting up with old friends, meeting up with new friends, extra curriculars, etc. It's been quite a challenge going from my leisurely life in China back to the hustle and bustle of the college scene.  I find myself thinking about daily life in China less and less...and that makes me incredibly sad.  I know its normal.  But I don't want to forget one moment...one little laugh...one hard day...one toothless grin.  I want to remember.  I prayed before I left that God would help me to remember.  And He has a sweet way of bringing little reminders into my life.  What I'm wrestling with this moment is:  What now?  I'm sure you've all felt it.  If you've ever had a touching experience, you know exactly what I'm talking about.  How do I take everything that I learned over the past 6 months and apply it to my life now?  How do I speak louder, advocate harder, and pray more fervently?  How do I serve HIM here and now...when I can't walk across the hall and pick up a baby and instantly feel needed and fulfilled. While in China, I often mulled over a quote by Jim Elliot that says, "Wherever you are, be all there."  I want to be all here...because for such a time as this, we are all where we are.  And we are there for eternal purposes.  I may not be holding babies and wiping noses...but I am striving to love well, encourage other believers, and pursue friendships with non believers...these things have eternal purposes, my friends.  They do.

Please be encouraged! Our sweet Savior has eternal tasks for you today.  He has words for you to speak, people for you to love, and prayers for you to send His way.  And each moment spent in His presence is a glorious moment indeed...whether or not you feel profoundly useful.