A Grace-filled Reminder

I had to apologize to my 2 month old today.

Its been one of those days where my baby's stomach seems like a never ending pit.  He wants to nurse constantly and his little eyes immediately pop open once he touches the crib as I attempt to lay him down. He wants to be in Mommy's arms.  Not in the hands-free carrier (which we both normally love).  Not on his play mat.  Not in his stroller. In Mommy's arms with her undivided attention.

But his Mommy is still being sanctified and she often finds herself worshiping the god of productivity.  You know, that never ending list of things that just have to get done before the end of the day.  The laundry that needs to be folded, the kitchen that needs to be mopped, the thank you notes that need to be written, the exercise DVD that needs to be watched... 

When my chores don't get accomplished  according to my time line and when my agenda is met with endless "interruptions," this mama gets upset.  I find myself flustered and overwhelmed, and rocking my precious baby becomes just another chore.

Praise God for the Holy Spirit's presence in my heart.  I am thankful He humbles me and gives me fresh perspective when my flesh is squirming with discomfort.  His law revives my soul (Psalm 19:7).

Today He tenderly reminded me that in a few short blinks, this sweet baby who simply wants to feel his mommy's warmth will be a sweaty little boy who practically has to be tackled for a hug.  And that sweaty little boy will become teenager who would rather be with friends than with his mama. And that teenager will be a grown man faster than I can imagine.

For such a time as this, Jesus has called me to a very specific task--loving my son, discipling him, singing to him about Jesus, holding him, feeding him, being attentive to his cries, praying for him ceaselessly, sacrificing myself for him.  Simply put, I am called to love my little boy like Jesus has loved me.  And I pray that one day, one glorious day, this baby will meet Jesus for himself.  And when he does, I pray that he will recognize Jesus' love--because he's seen it before.  It will be familiar to him, just like the feel of Mommy's arms and the sound of her heartbeat.  He will be drawn to it.  He will long for it.  He will desire to spend time experiencing it and learning about it.  He will know that when he cries, Jesus comes.  He will know that when He needs to be held, Jesus holds him.  He will know that when he has needs, Jesus meets them.  Because Mommy won't always be there.  But Jesus will.

And  I pray that ultimately, he will be eager to share this love with his neighbors, being an instrument of peace and hope to a lost and dying world.

So today I apologized to my son for treating him as an inconvenience instead of a gift.  I repented before the Lord and asked Him to keep these things fresh on my heart.  And I decided that today I will sit.  I will rock.  I will sing.  And I will praise God for this precious agent of grace in my life that reminds me that this so isn't about me.