My New Body

Looking in the mirror these days is not something I enjoy. Honestly, I barely recognize my body anymore and some days I feel really sad about that. The stretch marks, the extra skin, the oh-so-attractive muffin top, the spider veins, the bald spots forming around my face from post natal hormones--some days I just want to "feel pretty" again. I want to look in the mirror and think, "Wow, those weeks at the gym have really paid off!" (I haven't been to a gym in 5 years...)  I'm just being honest here...some days I really struggle with my new body.

Last week I was planning to wear a dress I had worn in a wedding two years ago. As date night approached, I tried on my dress and the zipper wouldn't budge. Then I realized that none of the dresses hanging in my closet fit my "new body." I put them all in a pile for Goodwill...and I felt really sad doing so. It's like I've come to the end of era or something. After baby #1 my body bounced back pretty quickly. Baby #2 took a little longer, but I still felt okay. But now after baby #3, I'm realizing that some things will never "go back"--and this is the new me...mom bod and all.

I've really wrestled with this over the past two weeks. I know all the good Christian girl answers about how I am beautiful no matter what and its what on the inside that matters. And I believe those things. But I still live in a culture that places so much emphasis on appearance and perfection...even I get caught up in the lies and deception at times (much to the devil's delight).  But as I have prayed and wrestled and shared with others, the Lord has graciously girded my heart with truth. 

The truth is, my body is a temporary shell that is is quickly fading away. It is in a constant state of decay and one day, it will die forever. My body is what houses my soul while I live on this earth. My soul will live eternally. My body will not. And no matter if my body is fit and skinny and perfect or if it is saggy, squishy and "used up"--it will pass away. And one glorious day in Christ's eternal Kingdom, I will receive a brand spankin' new body.

So I have a choice to make. I can either sulk and pout over the way pregnancy has changed my body, or I can praise God for the opportunity to so tangibly lay down my life for the sake of another (John 15:13). I can consume myself with trying to get my pre-baby body back, a feat rooted in pride and vanity; or I can humble myself , eat nourishing foods, exercise when possible, and submit my body to God's pleasure--knowing that He wants to use my life to bear fruit for eternity. Eternity, folks! What an honor that my body has been used to create and sustain eternal souls. Oh, may I be a faithful steward of all He's entrusted me with. And may I glory in this "used up" body, for it has been His vessel to bring three precious image bearers into this world. And by His grace, may they grow up to proclaim His name boldly to the world. What a privilege that He would choose me to play just a small role in His story.

And when I stand in Christ's eternal Kingdom--Lord willing with my earthly children around me also worshiping the Holy Lamb of God--never will I ever say, "I wish I had spent more time at the gym" or "I wish my body had looked better on earth." I will only be consumed with His glory and goodness. And I'll be so glad my body was used for His purposes.

May it be so, Lord, may it be so.