Ordinary

If you had asked me in high school what I wanted to be when I got older, I probably would have said, "I don't know, I want to work in orphan care in some way." I didn't know exactly what it would look like, but I had big dreams. I wanted to live in a foreign country (a huge country in east Asia to be exact) and rescue all the babies I could possibly manage. I was sure God was going to use me as a mouthpiece to break chains of injustice and persuade people to adopt or care for these little ones in other ways. I was convinced that I would never live an ordinary life. Because why else would God have placed these big dreams in my heart and given me this deep burden? Surely He was going to use me for something big.

Everyone who knows me knows that I've always longed to be a mom. It seems like its just part of my DNA and I really believe God made me to mother. But in my dreams as a teenager, my 15 passenger van was always filled with a colorful array of children from many different countries and backgrounds. After all, it just seemed more Godly that way.

So here I am, ten years later and following God's leading is looking very different. I don't live in an exotic foreign country. I'm not a famous missionary. And I happen to be the mother of two very white, very American, and very biological little boys. What happened to my dreams?

During the 2.5 years that Michael and I have been married, God has taken (and is still taking) us on a journey of learning to live by faith. Learning to surrender our "dreams" to Him...even dreams that seem so Godly and so right.  Learning to be content in our circumstances and be faithful followers of Christ wherever He has us. Learning that God's perspective of what is Godly and "Christian" is so different than the pride-filled, flesh-stained lens by which I see the world. Oh, He has so much work to do on my ever wandering heart.

So, today I'm doing the ordinary tasks of folding laundry, changing diapers, and singing silly songs. My husband is a school teacher. And we live a very ordinary day-to-day life. And we are learning that its the condition of our hearts that is truly pleasing to our Lord. Do we really trust Him? Will we allow Him to control our jobs, living arrangements, and family planning even if it looks different than the big, extraordinary things I had planned in my youth? Will we be content with serving Him each day even when the tasks seem so mundane and so normal?  I never thought I'd be able to whole-heartedly answer yes to those questions. But day by day, prayer by prayer, reminder by reminder, He is teaching me.

I think it is Andy Stanley who said, "Your greatest contribution to the Kingdom of God may not be something you do, but someone you raise." Wow. What insight. What a refreshing reminder to a Mama's heart. God's idea of greatness is so much greater than ours. I am reminded of David and his burning desire to build God's temple. And yet, God used someone else to do the job. Someone that David spent his life raising, discipling and pouring into...His son, Solomon. Our big things and God's big things are sometimes very different.

Do we still want to adopt? Oh, we would love to bring another child into our family in that way! I often ask Michael."Do you think God will allow us to adopt one day?" And he says, "I hope so, Ab. I hope so."  Would we like to live overseas? We would be so grateful for that opportunity. But for today, today He has asked us to love each other and our babies and to faithfully follow Him. He has called us to recognize the daily opportunities He places before us to be light in a dark, dark world. He has asked us to walk by faith and be radical in our giving, our loving, and our praying. And He has asked us to be content with whatever lot He chooses to entrust us with.  Even if that looks really ordinary.

May it be so, Lord Jesus, may it be so.