I can't even believe it. I was so shocked when I saw that second line forming on the pregnancy test. My heart was pounding beneath my chest as I stood in awe. I slipped out of the bathroom and sat down beside Michael. I took his hand and put it over my trembling heart. I whispered, "We're going to have another baby!" into his eager ear. He giggled and responded with a little boyish "Reeeally?!" We both erupted into giddy giggles and excitement. We hugged and sat in wonder for a while. We calculated due dates and the space between our children. Then Michael left to get ice cream from Coldstone Creamery (our baby tradition) while I stayed home and looked up prenatal vitamins and refreshed my memory on all things pregnancy (but it's crazy how much you remember when its only been nine months since you were pregnant!). We jumped up and down in the kitchen when Michael returned--like small children on Christmas morning. What a gift we have been given!
But as we sat on the couch and then laid on the bed that evening, I began having feelings of overwhelming anxiety and worry.
Really? You're excited? Don't you realize how much more complicated your life just got?Your nine month old isn't even sleeping through the night! You can kiss sleep goodbye forever now! Don't you know how much work it will be to have two children under the age of two? People are going to think you've really lost it now! A honeymoon baby was bad enough, now another one nine months later? You are very irresponsible. Not to mention...how are you going to care for your current baby when your face is in the toilet every morning? Oh, and where will you put this baby? Every inch of your house is invaded with baby stuff already. Well, good luck! This is what you get for trusting God with the timing of your children!
I crumpled with fear, sadness, and doubt. I felt as if I would choke. I couldn't lay in bed any longer as my body tossed and turned beneath the covers. The voice speaking to me was not the voice of my Father. I know this because each thought left me feeling guilty and ashamed. I know this because my Father loves children and He fashions them together in His perfect timing and His perfect way. Not one, no not one, is ever a mistake. I know this because my Father names children a reward even when our culture names them a curse. I know this because my Father has called me to live a life of faith and to joyfully trust him with every detail of my life, even and especially with the timing of our children. I know this because His word says that we are to tell everyone of the reason for the hope that we have and we are to proclaim His faithfulness to the coming generations. What better way to do that than to raise and disciple children here in our very home? It is clear that the one speaking was not the voice of my Father.
No, this was a different voice. An evil voice. A voice that hates children. It was a voice that breathes lies just as we breathe air. It was a voice whose main goal is to steal, kill, and destroy. It was a voice that seeks to tear apart families, a voice that loves to create orphans and keep them that way, a voice that loves to murder innocent children before they are even born. It was a voice that seethes with anger when God's word is obeyed. It was a voice that whispers words of discouragement, deception, and doubt...and finds great joy in doing so. It was a voice that despises everything that God cherishes. Including Godly offspring. Because every time a baby is conceived, life springs forth and the enemy is reminded that YAHWEH is on the throne and He will have the victory. Satan hates life, therefore he hates children.
Now the question is, who will we listen to?
Jesus, forgive us. Forgive us for every time we believe these lies maliciously thrown at us by the enemy of our souls. Forgive us for so badly wanting to please the world and gain approval in the eyes of men. Forgive me for my strong desire to be "normal" and not to live radically. Equip us to fight these flaming arrows with truth. Your Word is Truth. God, you are our judge. One day we will enter your rest permanently, but until then life will be hard. May we live each day with our eyes fixed on eternity. You are are greatest treasure. May the humble words of Mary be the cry of our hearts,
"Behold I am a servant of the Lord; let it be done to me according to your Word."
Luke 1:38
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