Where I've been and where I'm headed

Since I haven't been a very faithful blogger this semester, I think its time for a simple update.  This past semester was wonderful in so many ways.  Being away from Berry for a few months has really made me love and appreciate it more.  I was more aware of the beauty--blue skies, deer, and rolling hills--and more aware how blessed I am to be surrounded by such an amazing group of friends (who are more like family, actually).

This year I am living in an apartment style dorm with three other girls.  We've had so much fun laughing, cooking, watching movies, and just doing life together.  Our apartment has become know for our "family night dinners" which take place two or three nights a week.  We take turns cooking and eating together around our tiny (and I do mean tiny) kitchen table.  What sweet memories have been made.  We even do our homework in the living room just so we can be together.  I am so thankful to be living in community again after so many months of loneliness. 

The Lord has been so sweet to continue pursuing me and challenging me toward holiness.  I am a work in progress, aren't we all?  But His Presence has been ever close and ever challenging.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, my time with Him has become a number one daily priority again (as it should be), and I really believe that has made all the difference.  He has placed some precious girls in my life who I've had the privilege of meeting with weekly and studying the Word together.  It is always humbling to see how He drops these relationships in my lap.  "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few" (Matthew 9:37).  How true it is!

Academically, I had a good semester as well.   I survived Geology! And I've learned that rocks are more complex than I ever thought possible...and I have a deep, deep appreciation for them.  The end.   I will not complain if I never have to identify another mineral in my entire life.  I was able to take a class called "Family Problems and Interventions".  It was a depressing class, really...spending every single class period talking about...well, problems.  But, I learned so much and reality is, problems exist.  They always have and they always will as long as we continue on this pilgrimage through life.  Learning how to walk with people through these problems, tragedies and devastations is a great asset. 

Between classes, homework, my little desk job, young moms, the SOUP, Bible study, and social time--life has been pretty hectic and slightly overwhelming at times.  But I am trying to savor every moment as I realize that my time as a care-free college student is rapidly coming to an end.  I mean, when else in my life am I going to have an entire month off for Christmas?  The "real world" is right around the corner!  What exactly does that mean for me?  Well...


 I made a big decision about my life post-college.

Ready?

Drum roll, please.




I'm going back.

That's right.  I'm going back to the far side of the sea.  To the country and people that have stolen my heart.  I'm going back to spend another glorious six months with the precious ones who are forever etched into my soul.  I'm going back because He has called.  And He has so graciously opened the doors that I am humbled to walk through.  I mentioned in my China blog (here) that I long to have a heart for all nations and all people and that I was not sure if I would ever step foot in China again.  I am amazed and thankful that He has opened this door and my only prayer is that I will be obedient to go wherever He leads me.

I am thankful, excited, nervous, humbled, amazed, and in awe.  When I left Maria's in July, I said good-bye as if I would never be back, that way I would have closure.  I'll never forget that long train ride back to Beijing after saying good-bye.  I was surrounded my snoring men on a bumpy overnight train but I could not sleep. I could only grieve the precious ones I had just left behind.  The tears fell ceaselessly and my heart felt the weight of every child's future.  And all I could do was ask Jesus to be gracious to these babies and to hold them extra tight that night.   I can't tell you how my heart leaps when I imagine walking through those doors again and hearing the glorious sounds of baby laughter and cries.  I can already feel them in my arms.  I am already imagining nuzzling my head in their little necks and covering them with kisses and prayers.  I am so so so glad to be going back.

I am also aware that I will be graduating college, saying good-bye to a whole season of my life, moving home, and leaving for China all within 15 days.  Not to mention saying another round of painful good-byes to my family and friends.  These little details threaten to create little pockets of worry, which I have to actively fight.  I have been planning my life in 6-month increments for the past 2 years and I have no idea what my life will look like after October.  But I am so thankful to be serving a King who has planned every step of my journey before I ever took one single breath.

So friends, that where I'm headed.  Oh isn't this journey with Jesus so sweet and surprising! 'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus Christ!

It's beginning to look a lot like...

Christmas!

Oh friends, can you believe it?  It's almost Christmas time again.  Time for trees and mistletoe candles.  Time for fireplaces and hallmark holiday movies, time for laughter and gingerbread men.  I just love Christmas...everything about it.  I really do. 

I came home for the holidays yesterday.  I love the feeling of coming home.  You know, that warm ooey-gooey feeling of knowing that finals are over, Christmas is on its way, and I have a whole month of rest ahead of me.  I'm really looking forward to reading for pleasure (what a novel idea!), baking, catching up with old friends, writing, and reflecting on the past year.  It's really hard to believe that this time last year I was preparing to leave the country for 6 months.  There were so many unknowns and fears and worries....and my God has proven Himself so faithful.

When life is good, Christmas is really great.  But at the holidays, I always think about those whose life isn't so great.  When things are hard, Christmas just seems to make things harder doesn't it?  I think about those who are far away from home.  I think of those who have lost loved ones.  I think of those who are struggling financially and the burden of gift giving is extremely stressful.  I think of those battling illness.  I think of those who don't have a home to go to.  It breaks my heart.  But I want it to break my heart more. 

It's often easier not to think about those people because, to be honest, it puts a damper on things.  It's kind of easier to simply sigh a sad sigh for them and keep moving.  And I do this way too often.  This year, I'm praying for a broken heart.  I'm praying for a heart of compassion and love and selflessness.  It's interesting how during the holiday that represents one of the most selfless acts of all time, how we become so disgustingly wrapped up in...ourselves. I am so so so guilty.

Jesus, Father to the fatherless, Defender of widows, Helper of the helpless, our Rock and our Salvation, our Almighty King and our Best Friend

Will you give us your heart?

Will you allow me to see through your eyes?

Will you teach me to give more than I think I can

Will you teach me to love harder than I think is wise

Will you teach me to guard my mouth, my heart, and my mind

Will you teach me to reach beyond materialism and greed

Will you teach me to see?

I want to see you, Jesus. I want to see you.