Now, I also love mornings. I love the feeling of being awake before the rest of the world is stirring. I love knowing that Jesus is waiting for me in our secret place. I love pouring my mug of steaming coffee and going to my "Jesus chair" with my "Jesus bag" and stealing away precious moments with my Prince. I really do love all these things...once I get there. But sometimes being stirred out of my cozy bed is quite a challenge, especially when my pesky flesh is screaming, "But we've only been asleep for six hours!" I wrestle and I toss and I negotiate with the Lord, promising that I'll spend time with Him later that day. That usually doesn't happen.
Since high school, I've been really dedicated to having my daily time with the Lord. When I got serious about my relationship with Jesus, I realized that not spending time with Him every day is simply not an option. Time with our King is something that is absolutely essential for every follower of Christ. And His Word makes that very clear. To make this a priority, I learned that I have to take everything else out of my life, put Jesus at the center, and then build my life around Him.
My freshman year of college, I woke up extremely early each day to make this happen. We're talking 5 am or earlier. It was brutal...and beautiful...and oh.so.worth.it. But it was not without pain. Every morning as my clock went off, I cringed. Every night as I was going to bed when all my friends were just gathering to watch a movie...I felt a twinge of jealousy. But, I knew that this time with Jesus was essential...I cannot abide in the Vine if I'm not connected. He was my reward.
I'd like to say that I continued in this ever-dedicated lifestyle until now. But the truth is, I am trapped in a body of sin. I often find myself bowing down to a sinful flesh that is lazy, self-serving, and filled with idols. My flesh loves nothing more than staying in that warm bed an extra hour and then beginning my day in a frazzled rush. All the while my Prince patiently waits...longing to reveal more of Himself to me. Or I do wake up and spend a rushed half hour with my Bible opened, but taking no extra time to study scripture or pray meaningful prayers...a few scribbled words in my journal will do. This is where I've found myself for the past few months, friends. And I haven't even grieved over it until a few weeks ago. That is the worst part.
College is demanding. But not any more demanding than any other stage in life, I'm sure. I can't wait until my life "slows down" to make time with Jesus a priority. It's not going to happen. Jesus has to be my highest priority every single day. No matter what the day holds. Even if nothing else gets accomplished that day, but I spend time with my King, the day is worth it. A few weeks ago, sweet Jesus brought me to my knees with this reality. I have forsaken my first love. I have traded my King for a few more moments of sleep. I have exchanged the courts of the Lord for a bed. What a wretched child am I! I asked myself, if someone were to observe my life and watch how I spent my time, money, and energy each day (without actually speaking to me), would they know that I love Jesus with all my heart? I was startled to think that the answer to that question might be no.
I fell on my knees with tears of brokenness and repentance streaming down my face. How could I? Is He not worth my sleep? Is He not worth my time? Am I so proud to think that I don't need that daily armoring in order to face this battle called life? And His gentle voice says, "Come." I decided that things had to change. No matter what it takes, I have to make Jesus the center piece.
Things have changed. I have started waking up earlier. I have made an appointment with the Lord, and I intend to keep it. I have started going to bed earlier if possible, and relying on Him for strength when the hours of sleep are lacking. You know, if I only got 3 hours of sleep for the rest of my life, but was completely relying on the power of Jesus Christ...I'd probably be more energized than the person who sleeps 9 hours a night. Just a thought.
The past month has been beautifully sweet. I have spent time studying His Word like I haven't done in probably a year. I have prayed and read and meditated and studied. I have been strengthened and helped...and rebuked and loved. Each morning as I sit in my quiet place I wonder, "How am I ever so blinded as to think I don't need this?" It happens oh so quickly. Satan would love for me, and every one of you to stop spending time with Jesus. He knows its the powerhouse. He knows the Christian is very weak without daily time with the Lord. And that is precisely why he throws every possible distraction in our faces. That is precisely why he makes my bed feel so snuggly and inviting each morning.
And I have a choice to make. I can cave to my flesh. Or I can yield to the Spirit of the Most High God. I can stay where I'm at. Or I can be transformed by the power of God. I can make my own agenda. Or I can make myself available to be used in ways bigger than I ever imagined. I have to choose.
I want to choose Jesus. I want to choose Him every day.
Its a battle I want to fight, armed with Power from on High.
Today, I am so thankful for His Grace. His grace that invites me back each and every time I fall. His grace that looks at me and sees righteousness, even when I'm stained and tainted. His grace that loves me the same, even when sometimes I love sleep more than I love Him.
May we, armed with His grace, be wiling to fight the battle.
And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, He departed and went out to a desolate place, and there He prayed.
Mark 1:35
For He gives to His Beloved sleep.
Psalm 127:2
